Faggotry: Why do gay men make it difficult to be a gay man...

Everyone likes to look at beautiful things.  There is nothing wrong with that.  In gay society beauty seems a prerequisite.  But much like everything else, when excess exists, it can be quite a bane.  This concept is so ingrained that it is mentally debilitating to those that do not place themselves in the mold of beauty.  Those who do not think of themselves as beautiful, have quite the hurdle to jump.

 

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. There are so many forms that people find attractive. Even under those headings are many subheadings. For instance, I have a friend that likes bears… but not all bears… just the muscle bears, otters, and polar bears. I have other friends that like daddies, or chubs, or twinks. To each; their own! It is often hard to remember this when talking to our friends, and our friend says ohhh he is hot, and we look over and think… ummm not at all. We all have very different tastes. Can’t we agree to let people be attracted to what they want, even if we don’t share their opinion? Do we have to voice our opinion that their taste does not match our own? Really our friends think they know what we are attracted to already.

Diagram of common gay 'types'

  

We as gay men denigrate ourselves.  What sense does this make?  We denounce ourselves.  We have our own diction, Twink, Bear, Bottom, Daddy, Hawk.  These are all terms that I have heard used both positively and quite negatively.  These terms have been used with such disdain at times that I cringe.  They are just words, but they are empowered by their speaker.  Any of them can be praise, description, or insult given the tone, and general usage. 

 I do not understand why we as a community try to make others of our community feel bad about their personal views / lifestyle.  I would think we would be open to all lifestyles.  Instead I see songs like “This boy is a bottom” (which I do not condone, so I will not post a link to) or hear people talking about those two went home together, but they are both bottoms, so you know it was just angry scissoring.  Of course... then I imagine two men acting like angry cats in heat, spluttering, and aggressively rubbing their naked asses on one another, while growling, and neither being satisfied.  I am faced with such prejudice each time I turn around.  I know several gay racists, gynephobes, heterophobes, Republican-phobes, Christian-phobes, etc…  It just goes on and on.

When you take the stereotypical competitive aspect of men, and blend it with the stereotypical cattiness of women, you get a heinous thing indeed.  You get a stereotypical gay man.  When he sees competition for his prospective target one of two things happens.  He judges himself inferior to the competition and bows out of the contest, not necessarily gracefully.  Or he decides to ensure that this upstart will not win at any cost. 

Claws are sharpened, teeth are bared, and no holds are barred.  On one hand, it is more civilized than a physical confrontation, but the fact that it is filled with subversive commentary makes it far worse.  Rather than physically proving dominance, attacks are made at the psyche of the competition.  We all know emotional scars take much longer to heal.  It seems that the goal is to get the competition to believe that he is inferior and back off, as opposed to getting the target to believe that you are the superior choice.  It is a lot easier to make your competitor feel bad about them self, than it is to make your target see how great you are.  Again, I am not free of this activity.  I have often caught myself critiquing other people in order to feel superior. 

How can we turn this around?  How can we lift each other up, and be stronger as a community?  How can we support our brethren in their life choices while maintaining the integrity of our own?  How can we break through the stereotypes, and be a people?  How can we break the shame cycles, and cycles of abuse?