This commiseration is problematic. It makes me feel like I can not comment on my
weight because someone’s is higher than mine, and that if I mention anything
about it, I am somehow slighting or insulting them. Which I understand is
STUPID. Also everyone and their cousin
has some miracle weight loss plan that is for sure to work. I know my body, and I know that I eat crap
food more often than I should, I drink more often than I should, and I exercise
less often than I should. If I rebalance
all of that, my weight goes down.
I get frustrated, because I feel like I can't talk about
things without some sort of competition.
I realize the 'competition' I am feeling is really commiseration. Still it challenges me, because I find myself
limiting my topics.
If I chat about my income, I am reminded that I make more
than some around me, or that others are paying off student loans, or how hard
it must be to not have dual income/no kids/professional wages.
If I chat about dance, I am reminded of other people's
hardship with dance, or how they couldn’t possibly do what I do… I must have been born with special talents.
If I chat about relationship issues, I am reminded that
those around me are also single, or have been in sexless relationships, or have
a string of abusive relationships, or whatever.
I find myself wondering why the whole world is in
competition for who is the biggest victim, and why people try to make others
feel bad for any accomplishment, or advantage they have in life. I realize that
they are not consciously attempting to do that, but still.
Long story short... I do not want to be guarded with close
friends. I do not want to have to watch
what I say around those that I consider my family. So when I do find myself guarding my words
around those I hold dear, it makes me irritable.
“My family dog passed away…”
‘You think that’s bad…’
“Yes, Asshole, I do!”
